Happy Halloween, A Candymaker's drean day

Well let me start this wekk a little happier than yesterday, ouch that was a stinger for sure, all true, but it is always lingering there in the mindset of your truly and I ad to put it out there for hope of handling it somehow, we'll see about that this winter.

Now I was asked about my possible wishes for my future, well owning a Bait Shop in South Florida is definetly 1 of those wishes, nothing fancy, just something to keep me going thru my older years and also put me in touch with the people doing what I love to do fish and boat in the Gulfstream off the southeast coast of Florida, ya'll have seen the picture below many times, it is near and dear to my heart. http://www.fishingworks.com/tackle-shops/florida/

Now we also know that this past summer I worked behind the scene's at Saratoga Racetrack, and boy did I ever have a ball doing it, best damn job I ever had, period, so maybe there is something there for trying to keep this job each summer, but finding living accomadations for the meet, may be more than the job pays, unfortunately, what to what to do, oh well there are options, but I guess back to the number 1 wish for me, would be a Bait Shop, owner /or worker, in South Florida, near Gulfstream Park Racetrack, and the Gulfstream Current in the Atlantic Ocean, after finding and buying a small condo or townhome, or even small house that is in foreclosure and be able to stay there without paying thru the nose, thus I would only have to work to pay utilities and taxes, which I hope are not overwhelming and I can afford to do, that is my dream scenario, and yet here I am in North Dakota instead, unable to get a job in the oilfileds to help pay for my dream to become reality, why because I am too fat to do the job required, no bodys fault but my own, but I dream small here and I do so because I wish to be able to do it, especially working in a bait shop instead of owning one.

Well Happy Halloween All

Sunday In Tennessee, what do I want to be, tough question

The picture of me is pretty accurate to my size now, and  I want first to get my health in order but after almost 7 years of crying about it I have yet to do anything , except to stop gaining and dropping a few pounds from 500lbs, down to 420lbs or so, and now I can not get under 400 lbs and this is due to 1 main thing, my own laziness, my lack of action and commitment, because I have talked myself blue and I know so many ways to do it, but have actually done none of them, My excuses and reasons are plenty, but the bottom line is my BIG FAT AZZ IS LAZY AND UNMOTIVATED TO ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING PHYSICALLY TO CHANGE MY WAYS,  I talk the talk, yes I do, I know what I can do or so many things to help me start to lose weight, but I refused to do them so far, WHY IS THAT, am I really suicidal, and do not know it, it seems that way with my actions, I refuse to change my habits and keep drinking and eating the wrongs things and will not walk any more than I need to and when I ask myself why, not anyone else, just me to myself WHY ARE YOU SO FFFING LAZY AND STUPID,  YOU KNOW BETTER AND DO NOTHING , WHY WHY WHY, and the only reason must be some form of DEPRESSION, OR A MAJOR DOSE OF STUPID, OR BOTH, but I need change and soon.

  You ever been so fat you have trouble wiping or putting on your socks, take a second and think about this sentence, reread it.   Read this , it is funny but.... not
http://forum.grasscity.com/pandoras-box/282786-how-do-you-wipe-your-ass.html

So the question of what do I want to be, well not answered here this time, give some time to come up with a well written answer, as I have thought of this question before and have played out a few scenario's that I would be happy with.

patrick

Okay 1st Payday at new Over the Road Job

Pretty sad 332.00 after taxes, not what I came out here to the big freezer of the country for, but then when do I ever get anything right. But hey I have a job and it is a great bunch of people I work for, was up in the homne office in Winnepeg on Thursday, what a place, and the people were all happy, yes happy and friendly, unffffingbelivable for a trucking comapny, just wish I made more money and did not have to be in the truck all the time, AND I DO MEAN ALL THE TIME, as I am living in the truck which is a major part of why I took the job, and I was promised soon enough to have a Brand New Volvo with Automatic transmission, and paperless logs, and these truck were suppose to be equipped also with fridge and APU's (Auxillary Power Units), mini generators, and I thought driving new stuff for the ewinter would be nice, and also I am still in North Dakota, so maybe I can set up something in the oil area for springtime or maybe some schooling, If and big time IF I can find a school for an old guy like me that would get me into something that will help me get what I am looking for, 25-50k for a small condo in Florida and who knows how much more to get something going there, here is link to how cheap things are right now, here is where I want to be, Lord help me get there , please, I will be happy there.

http://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-search/Hallandale-Beach_FL/beds-1/baths-1/type-single-family-home%2cmfd-mobile-home%2ccondo-townhome-row-home-co-op?ml=2#/sortby-1

2nd day on the road, in Chicago

Well so far it took me 2 days to go 675 miles, not looking good for the miles needed to make lots of money, but then it does not look like they are pressing me too hard either, yet. I do not need to be over worked and pushed like trucks are normally done, yet, maybe in a month when back on truck time and I can run all day and all night , oh well time will tell.

I need to say each day I wake up I ewill lose weight today and I will walk , out loud and to anyone who will listen 3 times , about 20 times a day, need to re-program my mind that I can and will lose weight, any other idea's? Please anything at all.

patrick

It seems I am an Over - the - Road truck driver again, to me sadness

Yes it does seem like that I am hired on as driver for Britton Transport out of Grand Forks, ND, and funny thing is they deliver right to Saratoga Springs, Ny, to Logistic;s One, the place I last worked as Driver, small world .

I passed a new Physical, thou I am not positive all is well, but I am willing to try and see if my issues and fears are just some type of nerve's to make me stay off the road, as I had to do some big time soul searching to even consider taking this job, something I had hoped to never have to do again, and here I am doing it again.

I should be driving a New Volvo truck with an automatic transmissions, yet winter is coming and I must now deal with very dangerous winter conditions, not what I wanted , but hey work is work, and providing for myself is the bottomline, not allowing the system to provide for me.

So it will be a long hard winter and spring time could not get soon enough for me, but wish me well and God willing I can get my weight in control and help get healthy and maybe I can still somehow find a way to get a truck or 2 and get them signed on in the Oil Field, making my retirement monies, and yet I am forced to wait a little longer, oh well.

Tough decisions, for a beaten up guy

Nice pictures, they all hit home and give me a smile and piece of sadness too, but this post is a big reality check, I am here AND IT LOOKS SCARY, and I am not sure I can do this, PHYSICALLY.
Mentally no problem, but much more than driving is needed out here and I am not getting in shape like I thought I could, worse actually, guess OTR may be the only option for now, and honestly I DO NOT WANT TO DO THIS EITHER, which leaves me where, living in my car and no, REPEAT, NO PROSPECT OF HOUSING , SO WHAT NOW??? 

Not sure actually, suggestions, anyone, I know Man Up and get to work, I am trying, but then I am getting all the construction drivers applying for Oil jobs now with winter coming, and most are getting them but many are now not with housing, as the housing jobs are filled , but when you think about it, of course they are, so keeping at it, but seriously looking at OTR job from Grand Forks, but lucky to get 500-600 a week if that, instead of , 1000-2500 a week, but then maybe not as hard either, nor as many hours,  naw bull dookey, I will do 70 hrs with either situation, who we kidding....

Gotta go

Sunday, calm before the Job Storm begins

A few nice pictures of the sunsets and sunrises and fields of North Dakota, nice stuff in my opinion.

My concerns, my health, at 48yrs old, can I hold up to the beating I will have to take to work the oil fields, I hope so, otherwise I am in trouble, and then the cold too, real cold, Alaska type cold, with killer winds, what was I thinking, well I will tell you, I was thinking you live once, and this is where there is a chance to make good money for hard work and well I have to try  it , I just might make it work, wouldn't that be nice...

A week in the Fields, of North Dakato

Well I spent a week hauling potatoes , only made 500 and all the taters I can eat, so let me recount my time here in ND, 3 weeks, 1st week recon  in Fargo motel and spent 300 or so and really got nothing for it.

2nd week drove my self nuts in a dump  truck, and about broke myself in two, what a shake up that was, as it was a reality check into my current health situation, which is terrible, but plod on , yes I do.

3rd week I get a better truck with sleeper and drove 12-18hr days and basically had 1 meal a day provided and a place to sleep, not too bad on the body either, now week 4 is where I go and try to find the job that I keep thru winter, or so I hope, but plod on , yes I will