Sunday In Tennessee, what do I want to be, tough question

The picture of me is pretty accurate to my size now, and  I want first to get my health in order but after almost 7 years of crying about it I have yet to do anything , except to stop gaining and dropping a few pounds from 500lbs, down to 420lbs or so, and now I can not get under 400 lbs and this is due to 1 main thing, my own laziness, my lack of action and commitment, because I have talked myself blue and I know so many ways to do it, but have actually done none of them, My excuses and reasons are plenty, but the bottom line is my BIG FAT AZZ IS LAZY AND UNMOTIVATED TO ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING PHYSICALLY TO CHANGE MY WAYS,  I talk the talk, yes I do, I know what I can do or so many things to help me start to lose weight, but I refused to do them so far, WHY IS THAT, am I really suicidal, and do not know it, it seems that way with my actions, I refuse to change my habits and keep drinking and eating the wrongs things and will not walk any more than I need to and when I ask myself why, not anyone else, just me to myself WHY ARE YOU SO FFFING LAZY AND STUPID,  YOU KNOW BETTER AND DO NOTHING , WHY WHY WHY, and the only reason must be some form of DEPRESSION, OR A MAJOR DOSE OF STUPID, OR BOTH, but I need change and soon.

  You ever been so fat you have trouble wiping or putting on your socks, take a second and think about this sentence, reread it.   Read this , it is funny but.... not
http://forum.grasscity.com/pandoras-box/282786-how-do-you-wipe-your-ass.html

So the question of what do I want to be, well not answered here this time, give some time to come up with a well written answer, as I have thought of this question before and have played out a few scenario's that I would be happy with.

patrick