Sunday

This was a day of  realization and it seems it took too long for me to see it when everyone in the world but me saw it... or was I too stubborn or stupid to see it.

  I spent all day roaming the track, and then I hooked up with a friend for a bit and then I wondered around again by myself, and saw the reason the Spa is special and well I have to say it is awesome but you know I belong on the backstretch, working for less than 500 a week, and today I saw people wasting that much in a single wager, and laughing it off, and I saw a few of them but the details are not important, it is the reality if things, I am not really comfy trying to be what I am not, and never will be, and that is secure and happy out front here in Saratoga, because I really do not belong there, I belong in that background, and today I found this out and I am comfy with that, yes I am...

I had quite a few people say hi to me today, and it was the people who that I have known for a month or so driving around as a volunteer, and now a paid worker, and these people you could see , even with the language barrier  they went out of there way to come over and say hi, over a dozen of them, and now that does not mean other people did not say hi and chat with me, as I sat outside the jockey room watching the kids get autographs for there dads, saw the horsemen coming and going, and even the big boss people doing there meet and greet and handing off to others the special people, a few I think even I recognized, and truly saw the fantasy I was in, but all is okay now, I am do when the get saved, very liberated, free , a big stress lifted of my shoulders, I can be who I am again, me the poor broke dude who loves the horse's and will always dream of a nice payday, and all things I could do with it.....knowing full well ti will probably never ever happen, but at least I can dream it....ya can't take that away from me......no you can't

Now this should not be taken as a down and out posting , no no no, this is a very positive acknowledgement on my part and it will allow me to move on and be happy being who I am, not who I am not.

Neither one is a bad thing, I am a poor ( dirt poor, financially ) but yet rich in spirit and goodwill, and the other was pretending to be successful and secure and a winner in life, and well that was not me , as I am a loser , but a happy one now, feel happy for me ,please ,I do, pray for me if you want, I know prayers work wonders, but no prayers to hit the super or pick 6, let me do that on my own, if I ever do, but to make sure I have a roof over my head and a  job to pay the bills, as my job runs out as soon as the season here is over, that is right I will be unemployed as soon as NYRA goes back to the city in Sept, so I could use as many of those  prayers as possible please.

Well it is late and I will update as I can and fill in my plight of me in saratoga for the summer, I do have a Season Grandstand Pass and will use , so if you come you may see me, the fat guy with the short grey hair, most likely wearing shorts and wobbling around from shady spot to shady , until I find a place I can call my own, and that may be out back at the backstretch grill and betting windows, learning spanish and how to hot walk a horse...wouldn't that be a sight...